


There's a price on your head and I've come to collect

by Pistol



Series: Walk The Plank [1]
Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Firefly crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:07:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22042327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pistol/pseuds/Pistol
Summary: Being a bounty hunter isn't easy.(Set in the Firefly universe)
Relationships: Carlos "Cougar" Alvarez/Jake Jensen
Series: Walk The Plank [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586596
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	There's a price on your head and I've come to collect

Aisha wonders, not for the first time, if the men she's tracking are highly intelligent or just men that belong inside the padded walls of a bughouse. 

Their ship, the _Mojito_, definitely is_not_ the frigate class vessel registered to one Franklin Clay. It is at _best_ a floating pile of mismatched garbage still boldly flying the Independent flag along with the Mandarin approximation of _Titties and Beer_ painted over its actual name.

The crew... well, the crew is as classy and impressive as their ship.

Aisha sighs, bringing up her data screen and quickly worming her way into their ship's system to pull up the live feed

And okay, maybe it's entirely possible that the crew is _less_ impressive than their ship.

"Seriously, Max, you're wasting my time with _this_? Just open a jail cell and tell them there's beer inside, I'm sure they'll file in with no complaints."

An irritated sigh crackles over Aisha's com system. "I don't pay you to _think_, I pay you to do your job."

Aisha rolls her eyes, punching at her control panels and losing Max's signal before bringing up the profiles of the crew. She glances through them before closing the screen and watching as two obviously hung over men are being chewed out by their pilot for _'not treating his girl right'_.

"You _never_ disrespect a lady like this!"

"We made it better?" Jensen looks physically pained and moments from puking. "Besides, I really don't think I was sober enough last night to manage to get into an atmo suit. There's a very good chance it wasn't us."

"So much noise." Roque groans, rubbing at his temples. "Make it _stop_."

Jensen pats at Roque’s shoulder sloppily. "I wish I could, buddy, I wish I could." 

"You know you're both cleaning this mess off my baby!"

"Fine, fine." Jensen waves a hand at Pooch in a hopeful dismissal. "Just stop talking. For like a year."

"Two years." 

Pooch glares at both men, cross his arms before raising his voice loud enough it crackles over Aisha’s coms. "I'm telling Clay."

"I'm telling Clay." Roque mimics with a sneer. "Clay's not the boss of me."

"Yeah. What he said."

"The problem with that statement, Jensen, is that he is! _And_ because you two are assholes, I'm cutting off your Pooch-Hooch."

Jensen and Roque look abruptly apologetic. 

"We're sorry." 

"_Very_ sorry." Jensen agrees.

"And we'll never do it again."

"We probably didn't even want to do it in the first place! It was probably Jolene's idea. She probably bullied us into it! _We’re_ the victims here!"

Pooch's glare softens. "Jolene was here last night?"

"We ran into her at the bar." Roque narrows his eyes, looking around the cargo bay in confusion. "We should probably do some inventory. I kinda remember helping Jolene move some pallets to her ship."

"Wait," Pooch pinches the bridge of his nose. "so you morons helped her _steal_ from us?"

"We _were_ pretty drunk." Jensen says with a shrug.

"We had to, 'cause of manners. She's teaching us those. She also brought me a new knife." Roque pulls said knife from its sheath holding it out proudly. "She even engraved my name on it."

Pooch looks up at the knife before making a pained noise. "Roque... That's _your_ knife. You bought that two systems back. _You_ engraved it."

Roque examines at the knife with a frown. "Huh."

"Well, that explains a lot. Mystery, solved!" Jensen seems pleased with himself to the point Aisha feels a sympathy headache coming on.

"You're _both_ idiots and you can bet your ass I'm telling Clay about this." Pooch points a finger at both men. "And _then_ I'm telling Cougar!"

"Ew. Cougar's gonna do that thing with his face." Jensen moans. "I hate that face."

"He thinks we're stupid or something." Roque agrees.

"His face is stupid." Jensen titters happily at his own comeback while Pooch stomps out of the hangar.

Roque scowls, still looking at his knife before turning to Jensen. "Jolene'll walk the plank for this." 

Jensen lights up, pumping his fists in the air- only to freeze in place and squeeze his eyes shut. "Gorramit, I'm _never_ drinking again."

Aisha cuts off the feed when Jensen starts to vomit. 

This is going to be the easiest job she's ever had. Probably the saddest, too...

\----

Aisha distinctly remembers going to sleep on her own shuttle. Alone. So when she wakes up to find all five of her bounties walking calmly into her cabin, she doesn't think, she goes for her gun. 

None of them seem phased, their own weapons held loosely in their hands. Well, _most_ of them hold weapons. Jensen appears to be unarmed, poking his way through the contents of her desk.

"So." Clay drawls with a smug look, "How about we talk about why you've been following us."

"'Cause she's a pirate and she's after our booty."

Cougar glares at Jensen until Jensen begrudgingly stops snooping and joins the others in their semi-circle around her. It’d most likely be much more intimidating if Jensen wasn’t pulling faces at Cougar. 

"You got told." Roque mock whispers, elbowing Jensen's side.

"Did not."

"Did too. Clay-"

"Both of you, _shut up!_" Clay bellows before he favors Aisha with a strained smile. 

Her career is humped. What's worse, her career is humped because of _these_ men. The Independent's campaign during the second war must have been more pathetic than she had previously thought if these men had made up their most effective special operations team.

"Why _are_ you following us, Ms. Fadhil?"

Aisha resists the urge to flinch at the use of her name. "I don't know what you're talking about. My name's Zoe S-" 

Jensen cuts her off, mimicking a buzzer. 

There are not enough credits in the ‘verse to make her put up with more of that. Aisha keeps her eyes on Clay but lets her gun drift to the left. Clay’s eyes narrow, but her finger hugs the trigger and pulls before he can speak.

The escape pod under her bunk turns out to be worth every penny.

**Author's Note:**

> Was previously posted, then taken down. Now it's back up. Beware the errors and typos, I suspect the files I found on my old hard drive are the pre-beta versions.  
Please don't steal any of my silly stories and change some names around and then try to sell them as books on Amazon or I'm gonna have to take everything down again.


End file.
